My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
