What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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