We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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