I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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