I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
