I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize