Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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