farters have to be the big spoon...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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