sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
