yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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