i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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