Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
