RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
