My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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