I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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