i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
