you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize