This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
