hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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