Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
