his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
