did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
