have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
