Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
