You surviving the open bar?
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I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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