I hope mine doesn't look like that
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
