I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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