Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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