I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
