I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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