I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
