my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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