her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
