It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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