my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
