It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
