Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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