Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
