hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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