i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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