i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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