shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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