think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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