Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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