I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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