he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
3pm strippers are depressing
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize