We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I die, sorry about rent.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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