I didn't shave. On purpose
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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