Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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