I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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