my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
