nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
