Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
