Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
