I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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