Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
