for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
