his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
