great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
