Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
