your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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