I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
