This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
