Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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