dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
