Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
