Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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