I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
