Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
