Your dad touched me again.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm passing your future prison.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We need to get me chipped asap
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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