Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
