I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
