I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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